This is What You Get For Being a Bad Child

Tue, 30 May 2006 22:37:10 GMT

If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by

Sun, 21 May 2006 21:57:33 GMT

Its neverending.
If you let go she'll cause a massacre.
If you stand tall she'll back down.
no balance.

She shed a tear.. apparently thats when shit hits the fan.
when youre the last one to know, you shouldve known better.
cause theres nothing you can do.

Pick out that last straw and take it for what it is.
If its refilled it wont because you forced it to.

A killer has no right to cry when hes murdered.
It might as well have been him in the first place.

Leave the shards on the ground.
If theyre meant to be attatched they will be.

Take the usual songs off repeat and start humming what you know youre worth but no one gives you credit for.
Love can be given anywhere, doesnt mean it will sink in and shout back.
You bridged the moat and sank...you let go and the floor broke you.

Progression is the staircase to true love.
youre whole life youve been an usher
knowing the landing belongs to you
but still boost everyone up while youre grownded.

Counting in laps and not miles.
give your all when the skies are blue
shut off your pulse when you find out the clouds are catching up to you.
we draw the line in chalk...
knowing we wont fight for the whole, but for the battle.
and wonder how we ended up with the same bitter taste on our breath.

no one cares about what the world owes you.
You shouldnt have to search for someone to pick you up.
when everyone around you knows damn well they have two perfectly heathy hands.
Why take the chance of a cut or scrape if its not your own accord.
Why point out the bumps in the road when we're all stuck in our ways.

WE'VE LOST OUR EYES AND EARS BOYS AND GIRLS
WE LOSE OUR WARMTH WHENEVER IT GETS CHILLY

we've lost the taste of love in our words.
we've lost the way our hearts used to pump for the broken ones.

Sat, 13 May 2006 00:42:26 GMT

                   
You pull up
right where she is.

Before you get out of the car,
lock both doors.

You get out of the car,
you walk over to her.

    
                   
You bring her over to the car.

    
You take out the key, unlock it,
open the door for her.

    
You let her get in.
Then you close the door for her.

    
You walk behind the car and
look through the rear window.

If she doesn't reach over and
lift up that button for you...so you can get in,
dump her.

    
                   
- Just like that?

- Listen to me, kid.

    
                   
If she doesn't reach over,
lift up that button for you...

she's a selfish broad and all
you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg.

    
                   
What about the beautiful things
you just told me?

    
                   
Do what my heart tells me to do.

    
                   
Find someone to put wind in my
sails. She could be a great one.

    
                   
Bullshit, kid.
The door test is what counts.

Fri, 12 May 2006 03:53:43 GMT

You knew the taste.
But now you've gotta a mouth-ful.

The leaves can sheild me when its pouring.
but i couldnt tell the water from tears.

You stayed up falling through yourself ..over and over.
i wouldve given my voice to sleep.
my lungs caved and my spine collapsed.
this is what dying feels like.

the pavement's getting hot.
ive seen the same town 20 times.
if you face yourself you'll breathe.
if you accept it you'd feel again.

i drove into that tunnel again.
you tell yourself its nothing
ill get out.
ill find you.
ill trap this.

Mon, 08 May 2006 00:45:09 GMT

Do you cry for help before or after you can feel your organs dissolve.
Its mid day and the bottle already hits notes.
Im goona close the door so no one can see me pulling my hair out.
i dont remember what i grew up to fight for.

you remember that love i gave you?
im gonna need that back.

You have it in your mind that the right side up was left on your front door.
but we've built cities of hurt in the mean time.

When the support comes i know youll be looking down.
Grinning the fake out of your system...
so they can take your word and your empty bed can take your body heat.
im sure ill never hear the end the grapevine.

when the buzz lifts the regret sets in.
when the buzz lifts the regrets set in.

If theres something to fuck with...itll be fucked eventually.

Thu, 04 May 2006 02:43:23 GMT

The Mascara says it all.
The chuckle got my attention.
she cupped her hand and blocked the smile.

I dont want to say black and white, but what else can i say.
the roads close to home and like the back of your hand....you know you want to let go...
you know that this time you dont want to know where your going.

7 day cycles of hundred mile thoughts.
getting to you cause its faster.
one other recollection thats turning to sand.
the tracks would wear even if you followed them.

the mascara ices the cake.
brings out the pigment color wishes it was made of.
she looks into you and you surrender.

remember when i told you slower.
put your foot down.
remember you dont feel whole without sharp turns.
put your guard down.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 21:06:31 GMT

Rock and roll
You are envy, I am
So uncool
Still I want to do the best I can
Let’s meet on the corner and act like we’re old friends
We can talk about the streetlights
The people
Surrounding you
In a haze

Won’t you tell me how it feels
To be a nervous man
At the wheels
You don’t have a master plan
But you will start today
You will start today

I called you up
Cause I felt so guilty
Ended up
It was not such a pretty scene
Let’s dump the ashtray, wipe the table clean

Think I'm gonna pass out
Think I'll just lay down right here
Would someone turn the light out?
I'll cover myself with a jacket, I'll still
Catch the last ride on a Brooklyn train
19 years old and nothing's changed

Spent hours on a landline,
Hopin' id would find time for her
Showed up at my door, it wasnt a pretty scene
I was so sure,
You would be free
she should have caught a ride on a Brooklyn train
18 years old and nothing's changed

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 02:12:52 GMT

8 a.m. rolls around

     break into your back up plan

                         as you rush into the world.

everyone knows the traffic ticks away perfect timing.
i guess thats why i never saw it coming.
i shouldve worn something different too...
i wouldnt have looked down running into you.

The sleep rolls off my pores

             youre only as good as they see you.

                           the vanity is no stranger....its just strange.

You can bet the way you say it is all that matters.
Look how colorful it is after.
For now make everyday your best dress.
everyone looks better when theyre a mess.

pray something spills.
Make something you can take with you tomorrow.

you people all know what im talking about.

spread the love vibration.

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 07:02:15 GMT

Shake once at twelve.
Feel that current petalling through you boy.
Tap your feet at one.
Vibrate that history in the floor boards.

Swing up while the sun's down.
drive away while you still can.

All through the tip of our toes..that is when then ballroom goes out.
And in the dark we sip from our pasts while the table cloth sheilds us in.
i know youre far away baby..but im leaving the light on.
i know youre losing patience...and youre terrified of flying.
but you never know who could walk through that door.

what gets me is the wardrobe and how it looks on the closeline.
what i cant stand is how the roof makes everything look better than it really is.
sure enough she can walk down the street and fall in love counting addresses and dirty looks
what a feeling, i guess the world makes clear sense when youre pretty.

For all I know it might not matter how much i race.
But i might turn around and be rocking in a chair over a resevoir of panic.
wet with lights that never shined and songs that couldve been written but were stored away and lost.

thats how my fucking day was.

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 05:28:35 GMT

We are all dropping like flies.
I stare at the residue we leave.
And what marks i chose to store.
nothing is ever safe. It is never nothing.

If i told you half of whats paddling around up here you would buckle.
I am not what binds you to the warmth beside your hopes.
The direction you sail looks different from the shore...and my hands have no place in control.
but i cant keep them encompassed in the sand.

the rays of light that are our eyes birth the electricity in my body.
when you find a little bit more of your potential joy im a little bit less apart of it.

the amount of nerve inside them sinks into you and irritates flow of blood to my head.
its a stomach ache that leads to an attempt to cough up everything in the past that remains untouched but is still felt.

it is becoming a reality that our pages are in different books and they are too set in their stories to find eachother.
The thread im hanging by will never be too thin..you always find some way to thicken it...even if its not meant to.

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 21:35:52 GMT

everything is quiet since you're not around
And I live in numbness now
In the background

I do the things we did before
I walk Haight Street to the store

And they say where's that crazy girl?
You don't get drunk on red wine and fight no more
I don't see you anymore since the hospital

The plans I make still have you in them
Cause you come swimming into view
And I'm hanging on your words
Like I always used to do
The words they use so lightly
I only feel for you
I only know because I carry you around
In the background

Words they come and memories all repeat
I lift your head while they change the hospital sheets
I would never lie to you no

I felt you long after we were through

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 06:23:00 GMT

You come, I go.
You came, I went.

Comfort is mapped out over bridges and roads
Everyday we put a hose to what holds us back and fall asleep to the thought of something better.
Get me there.

i cant take one more day pining away in day dreams.
ive mustered everything in me towalk away from these broken down houses.
i cant take one more shallow morning that feels the same as the last hundred.
my insides are eating their way out. and im afraid one day im gonna find out who i really am and hate everything that is me.

i dont make sense. im not cool. or clever. bye

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 07:14:26 GMT

Just because i cant see slope doesnt mean i dont know its coming.
What gives you the right to be so pretty, what gives me the right to be so cautious.
I wont jump on the bed. ill wake you up at the right time. ill tell you about the marvelous colors there are in your skin.

after i rip off your clothes of course.

and hold back the fear of the day this might come crashing down.
and when i show up at your new address
ill get you back.
when all the walls we had to knock down disappear it will be just us...like its suppossed to be.
but i heard those crashes kill.
and ive been so frail lately.

if you have the time and the perseverence...
invent a way to compact yourself..
ill strap you to my chest and assist my heart beats.

cause its common knowledge i dont do so well without you.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 20:28:59 GMT

Outside they're shoveling March onto the sidewalks.
Making way for us to shed into June.
and when the fog clears im going tell mother nature to go fuck herself and its about time.
Im going to take all the blankets we hid under to stay alive and hang them out on the closeline
the sun can put back the warmth we took out.

and when you get home youre going to get it.

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 05:51:02 GMT

Month to Month.
it gets a little bit more clear, but at a snails pace.
Every day i think about all the places i could be going and the life out there that im still here trying to grab.
sometimes i wonder if i choose the mistakes, or they choose me.
I am humble. I am modest.
But so help me god i know i deserve it.

who knows. maybe im kidding myself.

POW!

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 20:35:13 GMT

livejournals been prettty bumpin' over the past week.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 06:38:26 GMT

Whether its a cold front or your bed room door slamming,
We could argue until language didnt exist.
Theres a view to the left and a goal to the right.
I wipe the sleep from my eyelids and wonder why todays another day that im waiting the world out there is withering away without me in the front seat.

Every muse is starting to bleed into one.
it seems like i cant help sleeping away all of my time.
id rather be in a dream.
But i am too determinined...youll see...
someday ill come home and know i did all i set out to do.
cause im going to do it all.

Im bored.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 06:23:41 GMT

The floor is mapped out in grids.

my clothes keep them warm.

Catch the laughter under the coffee table and run.

Take it up stairs for a rainy day.

The Carpet is covered with our bodies.

a hundred years worth of footprints below.

You get lost sometimes until the cotton lifts over your eyes.

when its dim and im un-wrapping you.

Im shaken in my sleep when i imagine you jumping on my bed.

And thats why youre always shaken when your hand vibrates and you see my name lit up.

Start taking notes and drawing pictures.

this is art.

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 23:55:12 GMT

There's luggage under my eyelids.

thankfully the lashes are long enough to catch the images taking the color from my retna.

People talk...people point...people bleed into one.

Ive seen hundreds and sometimes it might as well have been one.

I havent had it, you love to have something to talk about.

you may have folded me up but that layer is thin.

everyones filling their cups with self-righteousness.

ive seen those expressions...the ones where youre trying so hard to not look like youre thinking twice...telling yourself how well youre breathing.

im right where you want me...out of reach.

the worst person to fool is yourself.

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:32:17 GMT

These have been the hardest three days of my life. My lungs have officially turned to auto-pilot. Sleep usually isnt a battle, but when i dream i know what itll feel like when i wake up. I am a product of my surroundings interests, yet hopelessness surrrounds me and blurs all near. You can be a thousand miles away from someone and still be content. This is possible only when you know that when you think of them...theyre right there with you thinking the same. Ive never felt so far away from everything i thought i knew. There are shootting pains like a rainstorm and my heart is the pavement. Its a shame that even when you lose someone dear in the most terrible of circumstances, we still do not realize the bigger pictures. We bicker as if we know for certain we'll see that person again. Im barely hanging on. There is weight on every action that all i can do is lay and stare. Lay...in the hope of finally getting comfortable, stare...and the abstract curves in the hard wood, or how anyone in their right mind would marvel at these peaks. I cant marvel when all i see when i look at them is how ill im becoming. This feels real, and thats why its so messy. Usually there is the warm assurance that we can bend but not be completely broken. You spoke in haste and your eyes have never looked so sure. This is awful. I will not hide my face and will not feel sorry for your company, because it is something i tremble without.

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 04:57:39 GMT

If youre wondering why im here, if you saw the unopened towers of mail setting the table with me in the backround, its probably common to worry when i stare at the carrige through the doorway...its all in good intention. The altitude exausts you, but it very well could be the invisible cloud of smoke prying into your lungs while you nap.
alright, ive hesitated long enough. if you go into the kitchen, inside of the fourth cubboard youll find scissors and a scalpul. It says "open when the blue jays sing." You see there are parts of me that shouldnt remain after all these years. I have this reflection in the majority of thought that shoot straight from my memory and make wholes in inside my veins. To be more descriptive, everyday at the right moment the invasion of normandy acts itself out through my chest. Your job is to remove this organ responsible for the production of this toxin.
When you remember, you remember distinct feelings that define why it became memorable. I remember when i first saw you. Thats when the theory popped in my head that the pupils of human beings are rays of our love waiting the find the pupil that fits. When i sort through that day all i remember is the way you spoke to me through those rays. There is kindness and affection you can only read about in books, buts yours is a dream come true. Its hard to steer away and see the way our rays have dimmed and lost track of the way your skin felt in candle-light and the way my gelled-up blood became liquid again when i found out a kiss was not a kiss, but an attempt for a match of energy that language is useless against. You never felt alone until you were away, and theres only so much reason can take. When all thats left is the past, and the hope for a better future is exactly the opposite. When the earth reaches its next checkpoint we would have gained nothing more than a stronger tolerance and all the reasons we should leave...but cant. I'll be right back.

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 04:43:37 GMT

It started in panic. Its a shame its taken years to realize i havent really been here. Ive seen the worst well up in my eyes. Ive stared at the mirror and watched a new part of me die every visit. And as the days go on i get paler. as for the room i grew up in. it doesnt look at all the same. it's seen so many things that some have been removed to fit more. and then again i dont look the same. but we both know everything we shared. If life is collected in days like today. theyd make millions broadcasting my circulartory system's dysfunction. im coming clean about the things you never heard about. and its all in the long run...that the wrong becomes habitual. start again with a blank white page. fill it with everything you lost. color it in with who you were. Rip it out and tuck it away. i am new.

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:27:51 GMT

Nothing can revive in me, what its like...to share the present tense with you.

Oh my luck..tonight i cant sleep

put the phone to your chest...and let me hear your heart beat.

and let it sing the song where you love me.

your arms are four-letter lies.

change my heart...and change my name.

i mold face into a pretty shape.

Those cigarettes dont suit you...did their smoke fill the gaps in your heart.....

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 21:44:20 GMT

Everyone has their bags packed with one way tickets to Columbia.

and While i was looking up to you, you were looking down at porcelain.... wondering why those white lines werent her.

Everyone is choosing their last breaths.

and now youre farther away than you ever had planned.

when you got on that plane, they shouldve threw your bags aside....

they shouldve picked you up and examined your body through those beams.

They wouldve seen everything in you broken on their screens.

...and they probably wouldve just said "enjoy your flight."

i know you can read this..just like you can see the look on your mothers face.

and i hope you can feel everyones heart you broke...because now you see it hurts so much more than than when you started.

i cant fucking believe you. You are better than this. Look at what youve done.

i wouldnt write this if i didnt love you...but everyone that knew you does and you shouldve seen that.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 20:56:01 GMT

This morning around 4 i took a good long look at myself.

Last night around 10 i caught a glimpse of next year.

Today couldnt have come at a better time.

Clean slates and acceptance...

I didnt tell you enough.

Like when I saw what it meant to be gorgeous.

Its just a coincidence that it happened to be the first time i saw you.

That was then...

now is the time for surgery.

Im opening myself up.

And removing that part of my brain that regrets ever having let you go.

And those areas of my lungs that fuck up when i know youre around.

Im washing them out.

I even thought about tearing my eyes out.

so i wouldnt see how happy you are and how miserable ill end up.

Happy New Year. I wont hold on to this.